we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
