It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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