I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
