Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
