He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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