You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
