I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
