I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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