there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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