At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
