if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
