The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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