So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
