Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
