I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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