dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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