so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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