If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
my nose is crying tears of wow.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
