My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
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I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
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He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize