dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
