you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
