It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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