i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So here I am, sexting at work.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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