Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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