They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
