Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
