On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
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last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
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I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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