The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
