Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
