is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize