I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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