Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
