it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
