i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
i think im in europe. pls send help
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
