omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
