why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
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We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
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I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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