im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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