grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
