I need to stop coming to work sober
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
