you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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