Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
