My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
