i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
