whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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