:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
