I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
