names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
