Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
