Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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