I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
