Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
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