I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
