i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
