u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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