So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize