you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
