If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
