just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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