The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
