Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
