it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
