I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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