this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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