remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
