look no pants
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
