i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
