I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
