I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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