I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
