And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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