im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
