you turned your livingroom into a bong?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
