I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
